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Thursday, November 1st, 2007
1:08 pm - Kenney's Marvelously Homoerotic Halloween
So yesterday the plan was to go to Toronto for Halloween fun. At about noon I was abducted hastily from my place of residence while still in uniform. So we had a fantastic meal as usual at Little Tokyo, bothered Mike Bark, the most disgruntled Sandwich Artist at Quiznos, and bought some damn tasty candy. We briefly went to Mackenzie's in Scarberia later in the evening, a 30 odd minute commute from downtown by subway and bus, and then returned to downtown. We had totally disregarded the fact, momentarily, that there was a big street party going on at Church and Wellesley...so we got there at about a quarter to midnight.

The street was simply alight with traps, young and old. Not long into our maneuvering through hordes of intoxicated and most scantily exposed party-goers, I got my picture taken with Catwoman, and an pixie. Neat!

Kevin, MJ and I walked by a nice man with a camera, who had made mention that my uniform was "really hot", and asked me about what type of service I was in. "Infantry, light infantry" said I. To which he proceeded to ask me for a couple snapshots. After which we continued on.

So after a pint at some place with a mythological name, I was told that the others had to leave. I, however, opted to stay because I had nothing better to do the next day. So the rest of the crew left, and I was by myself in the city.

A gaggle of traps pleasantly sauntered by me, the lead one mentioning to his friends while looking at me "Mmm, I like this one.." Neat!

So I continued walking south down Church, and noticed a nice little wine lounge, or something of the like. Before I walked in, I was stopped by a tall gentleman at the door. "Hey there stud, are you sure you wanna go in here?" The older man to his right then told me "Yeah, this place is dead, you don't wanna go in there. It's boring. How about you come upstairs to my club for a drink?" To which I humbly refused. My departure from the situation was further aided by the two young men in a scrap a couple yards away. I walked over!

"Hey, it's that army guy; army guy, do something!"

"Hey, hey hey, gentleman, okay, cut it out, what's the problem here! :/ " I said. This was the cue for one of the ambiguously gay young men to tell me in the font format of Times New Verbal Diarrhea MS what the problem was. Something to do with him being all up in his shit, and talking additional smack about how he rolls on Church St.

So another very nice young man approached me, and thanked me for intervening. He asked me if I was gay, and upon my response, he wondered what I was doing on Church Street on Halloween at 1am. A very good point indeed, sir! What was I doing on Church Street on Halloween at 1am? He wondered if my uniform was a costume, and went to delicately feel my biceps and my abdominal region. He asked me if I was hard down there, to which I responded "I guess I work out, like, pretty often." I hoped that was what he meant, at least. I wouldn't want to seem like an ass. He then told me that i'm a really hot and a really good-natured guy and I should "always keep that inside of me". And so, as I was growing progressively irritated with the almost theatrical display of flamboyant and feminine arguing to my right, I shook his hand (i'm pretty bad with names), thanked him, told him to take care of his friends, and left, helmet under my arm.

And what better way to end the evening than to compliment someone dressed as Deanna Troi, counselor on the NCC-1701 Starship Enterprise crossing the street and to hear a hardy, masculine voice return a "Thanks alot ^__^" in return.

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Friday, October 12th, 2007
1:42 pm - Yanked from Mark.
This Is My Life, Rated
Life:
6
Mind:
5.5
Body:
9.2
Spirit:
8.3
Friends/Family:
4.3
Love:
2
Finance:
3.8
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

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Sunday, October 7th, 2007
9:49 pm - GTFO of the GTA.
Well I've come to a conclusion with myself after taking a glance at my present situation and a conversation surrounding it with John. I've...never even really seen it this way in this light before.

I do love Oakville, I think it's a great town. I've always debated with Kaja about it, she hates the place.

But...the social events of this long weekend have included the following.

- Talking in the basement with four friends, with a few beers, for an hour.


....and that's it. I get it now! Oakville is not a cool place at all! There is nothing to do here!
Time and time again, we delegate over the phone about what to do, but it always ends up with us attempting to throw together some outing that never happens because there's no way to get around, or there's just nowhere to go.

I've been home for five hours since work ended. There is no transit, and nobody's at their respective houses. A part of the group is having dinner somewhere, and that's all.

I've been to Toronto enough times now, probably a few hundred or more times in the course of my life, not to mention being born in the 80s there, and living there for almost all of 1998, to feel at home whenever I go. I know the streets, the subway stops, an array of hotspots that line Queen, and Younge, and King, and Bloor, and Dundas, and Spadina, and Bathurst, and so on. Being in the autumn of my nineteenth year, and becoming more and more enveloped in my pursuit of becoming a beer connoisseur, AND not to mention I grow mightily weary of having nothing to do on a perfectly good evening with no work the next day...I can finally say what i've been only half-sure of before; Leave Oakville to the families.

Still sittin' here. Nothing to do. No subways, no buses, no streetcars..nothing open..siigh!

'till next time.

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Thursday, August 16th, 2007
8:58 pm - Kidz 4 Khrist
As much as I detest the over-saturation and aggressive nature of media in today's society, and believe that we should all become more in tune with our true selves and not have it shoved in our faces left, right, and centre every day through radio, television, and billboards - I don't approve of my faith being glamorized through flashy lights, fireworks, flag waving, and pep rallies in stadiums as part of a conservative movement to grow an "army" of God's followers against the proverbial Times Square that is today's media.

Again, I really can't stand the brainwashing we're already receiving from corporate America, but this:

www.battlecry.com
www.honoracademy.com/

...still leaves me a little bothered! I really appreciate the passion, the commitment, and the energy that some of today's American youth is putting into their faith, but it's irony. After noticing a segment on CNN (and yes, I don't need a lecture of CNN'S psychological trickery either), this movement is utilizing the same tactics as anything else that's trying to sell themselves to you. The loud music, the pyrotechnics, the Master of Ceremonies on stage in front of tens of thousands shouting out repetitive praise to the Lord Almighty...any vulnerable young person confused about where to go in life will fall for this.

It's all a carefully orchestrated series of events, like a metal concert. Where someone would headbang and throw themselves into another when an awesome chorus kicks in at a NIN show, another would close their eyes, throw praying hands into the air, and have trembling lips when witnessing one of these Christian youth rallies. If the musics' loud enough and theres' ample laser effects, flag bearers and fireworks, the emotional reaction of either a zealous soul or a lost, vulnerable one will be quite remarkable.

And whats' also bothersome are the demonstrations that follow this by the hordes of liberal youths angered by it; especially in San Fransisco where a recent rally was held; chants of protest, George W. Bush masks, college students on loudspeakers outside of the stadium with THEIR fists in the air...it's all just getting tiresome, this big show-y difference of opinion.

But then again, of course, i'm not really ragging on this stuff. It could just be the shining light that some kids are looking for in their lives. This could be how they like their faith served to them. To me, the theory is right, the practice not so much.

If you wanna understand more about what I mean, watch Jesus Camp. Don't even get me started on Jesus Camp. Shits' unreal.






I also just thought about this today. Last year everyone thought the world was gonna end after Harper won. Everyone alerted the internet that Canada was in for a new reign of neo-conservative, religiously fundamental (wtf) tyranny. All of this fear brought on from five running years of a Republican state ruled by Bush, a kind of rule that is impossible to have here in the Great White North. I'd totally sit down with some beer, fishsticks, and Dragonball Z: Budokai with Mr. Harper if he were up for it. Holy fuck I love Dragonball Z i'm at the part where the guys come from space and the other guys are fighting them

- Ken out -

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Tuesday, June 12th, 2007
1:27 am
I'm intellectual, i'm intelligent, I try to be a gentleman, I'm creative, courteous, I try to be charming...

I'm cool, i'm funny, I try my best to be empathetic, I listen, I'm sensitive, I care, I'm industrious (from time to time)...

I do martial arts, I'm an actor, i'm not bad to look at, i'm politically involved, I keep in good physical shape...




But......?

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Sunday, May 20th, 2007
3:00 am - Nostalgia that keeps coming back!
"So when's your...weird science conference, thing."

- Dad, pre-Anime North 2004





I'd have to speculate that probably one of the most enjoyable parts of Anime North for me, just something that makes me giddy as a schoolgirl... is walking in from a gently breezy, warm May afternoon into a pristine yet buzzing hotel lobby, where hundreds of costumed and non-costumed fans alike form lines and recline against walls and on sofas, their luggage and equipment and weapons set down next to them...we take turns, shifts if you will, holding the spot in line for the next while as some of us split up to collect the other members of the group until we reach the desk.

...then it's our turn, we check in, pick up our stuff, and take the elevator up to whichever floor we're on. The elevator doors open, and the aroma of an immaculately kept hallway greets us-

"Are we even on the right floor?"

"Oh, you clown! FOUR-eighty seven, not FIVE-eighty seven!"

"I'M SORRY, MAN, I'M SOOOORRRY!"

Repeat said aroma greeting.

"Okay, which ones' ours..'kay...'kay we're on this side, it's odd numbers."

"This way?"

"No this way, this way."

"487, here we go!"

Then the sweetest sound, that of a shiny keycard slipping into the lock, and seeing a little green light indicate the correct card swipe, followed by a satisfying *click!*

Turn the handle, push the somewhat cumbersome door open with a low creak...there's the bathroom, aaaaaand there's the two beds and the TV, the drawers, the coffee table, the AC and the large, spotless window we'll use to observe the thousands of colourful individuals running back and forth from The Doubletree to the TCC, across the HWY427 Bridge of Doom from Park Plaza and the Renaissance, into Tim Hortons and into Harveys and to Kelsey's, and making The Leap of Faith across that pesky ravine next to Dixon Road.

*inhale...*

AAAHHHHHHH...our very own space for the next 48 hours...check everything is in working order, marvel over the drawers and the bathroom and the TV and the chairs and the coffee maker, drop the stuff off on the bed, jump on, and recline. I'll spend probably the next 25-30 minutes here unloading my stuff, utilizing the drawers and the closets (not stuffing my belongings in the corner of the room and christening it "My Corner Where My Stuff Is"), and chilling out with the rest of my crew.

"Hay look guys, guys- guys look, The Playboy channel! Let's order it! And dude! This is so weird; YTV is on Channel TWENTY-NINE! WTF IS UP WITH THAT!"

I think this year i'm going to need a little extra time in the room, too, to soak in the raw awesomeness of having a suite. A living room, bedroom, bathroom, and vanity area? HELLZ YA.


...then it's off to the con, and to wrangle everyone else up; we've got to prepare for the Skit Masquerade, then the panels we're doin', and then......


Just felt like sharing one of the things that stimulate my senses time and time again.


Five days, people! See ya there!

current mood: busy!

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Tuesday, May 1st, 2007
7:42 pm
On a long enough time line, the
survival rate for everyone drops to
zero.


Please... don't...


Give me your wallet.


...Raymond K. Hessel. 1320 SE Benning,
apartment A. A small, cramped
basement apartment.


H-How'd you know?


They give basement apartments letters
instead of numbers. Raymond, you're
going to die.


Is this a picture of Mom and Dad?


Yesssss...


Your mom and dad will have to call
kindly doctor so-and-so to dig up
your dental records, because there
won't be much left of your face.


Please, God, no...



An expired community college student
ID card. What did you used to study,
Raymond K. Hessel?


S-S-Stuff.


"Stuff." Were the mid-terms hard?


...I asked you what you studied.


(Tell him!)


Biology, mostly.


Why?


I... I don't know...


What did you want to be, Raymond K.
Hessel?

*click*


The question, Raymond, was "what did
you want to be?"




(Answer him!)


A veterinarian!


Animals.


Yeah ... animals and s-s-s ---


Stuff. That means you have to get
more schooling.


T-too much school....






Would you rather be dead?


No, please, no, God, no!


NOOOOO!








...I'm keeping your license. I know
where you live. I'm going to check
on you. If you aren't back in school
and on your way to being a
veterinarian in six weeks, you will
be dead. Get the hell out of here.




(I feel sick.)


Imagine how he feels.




(I don't care, that was horrible...)




Tomorrow will be the most beautiful
day of Raymond K. Hessell's life.




His breakfast will taste better than
any meal he has ever eaten.

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6:27 pm
I now understand the idea behind the saying "slow down and smell the flowers", or something to that extent. My mind has been so nullified, my body so tired and worn, my temper so irate, so short...and my heart so low in my chest that I don't even have free time to lay down and stare at the northeast sky, or run my fingers through the grass, or gaze upwards through tall trees in a forest with their gently rustling leaves as I so love to do. I drove by Coronation last week sometime when it was lovely out...the lake was wonderful too. So I made a 180, turned the car back around, parked, lept over the rocks and to the last one sitting against the lapping, splashing waves. I sat with my left leg out, my right leg arched with my arm on my knee, and a gentle wind in my hair. Toronto was visible, and the northeast sky was the way I love it in the evening. Shoulda been yet another sentimental moment, but I couldn't. I lay down with my eyes to the dramatic, silky sky but I just couldn't. My mind has become null. Preoccupied with the self-loathing struggle i'm in, my miserable life regimen as of late. It's just a perpetual melancholy, how I feel right now. Constant, constant disappointment in myself. It's almost as if Anime North is just going to turn out as a Phyrric victory..that's what I fear most. I got up, lept over the rocks and back to the car, and sped off to return home.

Nothing is going right at all. And yes, I understand this sounds oh so familiar for us young people on our internet blogs, but allow me this time and space and most importantly, your audience, so you can get a better understanding of "what's up".



.....



.....The buds outside on the trees are coming to life again. Weather today wasn't that great but it was certainly pleasant this morning. I can't bear the pain of losing another beautiful day, any opportunity where the sun is in the sky and the air is sweet, only to know the walls of a factory and cleaning equipment, only to move my body in the same repetitive, un-enthused motion for the next several hours of my life. And to get home when i'm tired and the day is done. I cringe to think the rushed breakfast I prepare daily, in sloppy and lazy fashion, is just going towards giving my tired, sore body energy to waste, yes, waste, at this place for the whole day.

Humans are meant to eagerly await the rising sun. At least those with ambition do. Think about it. Toss the concept around in your head a bit.


Materially? My cell phone hasn't worked for months, June at Nexus (my agency) has not called me back with anything yet, the whole Mark's car thing didn't work out (as I subconsciously knew it wouldn't because of insurance), I am consistently running around like an idiot all across Oakville chasing buses down, I haven't been to the dojo due to sickness, stress, and a lack of transportation, my father expects me to consistently pay rent irregardless of the fact I have a $5,000 debt to pay, OTMH (quite possibly the shittiest hospital in the GTA) has my tests booked for JUNE, which means I have to wait longer for BMQ confirmation which is my ONLY ticket out of Film School debt...

Oh, and the whole...I scrub things off of a floor for a living, 9-5, for 40 hours a week, with hundreds of dollars in deductions per cheque thing.




.....





Just no luck. I can't do anything right with my life. And it's times like these that, on occasion, make me miss being in a relationship. Someone who consistently concerns themselves with your well-being, and who you can lay down with at the end of the day and talk to in an embrace.


What if I died. What a legacy I'd leave behind. Of course i'd just be some obituary in the back of the newspaper that nobody reads because it's too depressing and they'd rather be privy to the hottest new celebrity wedding, or how the Raptors are doing in the playoffs. The McCoy line of men would be broken or at least skipped a generation if Catherine continues it with a son, which i'd want to punch myself for, and the legacy of Kenney McCoy would be nineteen years of no highs, and teenage lows. No big deal. At least, like, the brewery floors would be clean, or something.


I'm sick of clenching my fists, i'm sick of raising my voice, i'm sick of being upset at every little thing that goes wrong. Every big thing too.


So....go ahead. Blast me with comments about how "that's life" or "ya gotta pay the bills somehow" or "stop whining about your life" or "there'll be plenty of time for you" and how I should "count my blessings".




So I hope I can walk outside on a beautiful day, sometime very soon, and pray.

This day is mine to do as I wish with it. What I do with it is important because I am exchanging it for a day of my life. I want success, not failure, love, not hate, good, not evil; in order that I shall not regret the price I have paid for it.

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Thursday, April 26th, 2007
5:23 pm
Self Defense, be it traditional as Goju Ryu Karate or as combative and real-world as Krav Maga, is something that I wish would not simply be instructed as a temporary or single-day event at schools. If Judo, Japan's national sport, is taught in school there why can't we have courses offered, let's say, as gym programs, from senior elementary and up in our systems.

There seems to be no other way to engage your mind, body, and spirit in such a way as in the martial arts, I say, as a practitioner of Karate and Aikido. What a way to instil discipline, mental and physical strength, and respect in the people who are being raised to inherit society.

Fluidity and precision of movement, feeling the wind through my fingers and the floor slide against my feet, focus, SAAAaaaaa.....is the sound I exert to compliment my kata strike.






"It is better to bruise in the dojo, than to bleed on the street."

It is important in my opinion, as well, to prepare members of society for the streets they will/do walk. I wonder sometimes, as I look around at faces I pass by.

Would he/she fight, or flight.

An odd thought to think, yes, but interesting nonetheless. The other day I was walking at a quick pace down the street, pissed off as usual, with an angry facial expression. One person I passed by turned the other way, possibly because they believed I would be confrontational. What if I was? What if I punched them in the gut and started kicking them, and went for their wallet? What would this person have done? Would they have met my attack with a block, a counter, a break, a take down, and a finish as is the five stages of self defense? Would they have made any attempt whatsoever to prevent themselves from falling victim to a malicious attack? Or would they have simply given up, on the ground, ill-prepared, panic-stricken, and another notch on a criminal's tally.

One must not walk through the cities mentally unprepared. A real-world combat system such as the Israeli Krav Maga instructs it's pupils on how to meet, accept, and neutralize a threat...

A pistol to your back...a knife to your throat...an oncoming individual with a lead pipe...a 6'5 300lb high-on-heroin brute strangling you outside a phone booth...whatever the streets has in store for you.

Or how about someone else in danger? Call the police while they get thier skull beaten in? Or raped? Hmm.

It seems to me there are too many people that excuse the possibility that something may happen to them, or to another.....too many people that would not interfere, or would panic, or freeze up and not know what to do in such a scenario. And this is something that is wrong, and can be rectified in society.


If you ever consider learning an art, or are considering it already, do so. It's unfortunate that some training halls and centres charge the prices that they do, but look around. Take it seriously, listen, sweat, bleed, bruise, and train hard. Learn, grow stronger in mind, body, and soul.






I was gonna update on my life, but if you're wondering how my day, or, the past month and a half has been and probably will be until Anime North, take a dump, look at it, then get back to me.

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Monday, April 9th, 2007
12:42 am - Determined, and quickly before I forget.
It's Monday morning, 0024.

Do you know those times...times of anticipation, that usually come during a dream at night? Where the world seems to be just within your grasp and it's going to save you from your self-admitting mediocrity...where you can feel a new beginning, and you've already made a schedule where you're occupying every second in this new found existance to something that makes your heart flutter, while saying "finally, i've done it, i'm here"? Like that dream you had once, a few years back, where you won the lottery and everything you could ever want is now yours. And it's all that is on your mind.

I've waited for so long to even begin to have these feelings. All that has been on my mind this entire long weekend is the sludge and filth and arachnids and dirty water under 60lb iron grates that await my spounge and latex glove first thing Monday morning...

...yet for a fleeting period of maybe a half hour, all that have been gracing my thoughts while I toss, tangled in my sheets, is how for the first time...ever...in my life, my passion and my aspirations are imminent.

I've taken the steps. The steps are almost done being taken.







We're the only people who think of ourselves primarily. We see ourselves as second to nobody else. Unfortunately that just means we're a co-star in someone else's life.

Now this is not to say that our friends are simply not important. They're our all. I, we, have many close friends who I/we think of constantly. But you get what I mean.

That's why people strive for relationships; because that special someone is a person who will see you as the star of their show.







I will return with another update to juxtapose what I said previously. About dreams, 'n shit.

I'm just making it happen people. I'm almost there. Every day is about to be a new day for me, instead of a re-run (as it has been). The sun, the warmth, the grass, the breeze, the sky, and my being in it is about to mean something.

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Sunday, March 11th, 2007
11:30 am
So for those who haven't been up to date with my life so far, I did decide to drop out of Toronto Film School. I wasn't getting what I wanted at all out of the course for the money that I was paying, and I simply....didn't even have the money to continue. I was rushed into a decision that I, in very sloppy fashion, made without consideration of the situation I was putting myself into.

I'm now in debt to the school, for the months of November, December, January, and maybe even a little bit of February, around the realm of $5000 to $7000. There are severe inaccuracies in my statement of accounts, saying that I attended classes I didn't even attend, to which i'm still being billed for. I'm in the process of following up on this with the financial department, so I can set straight what I REALLY owe, hopefully saving me alot of money.

I've been out of a job and out of school for a month now. It's been the most un-productive, depressing, stressful, and embarrasing situation i've ever found myself in. I have gone out to wherever I can in Oakville searching for a place to employ me. I have applied at multiple places, without success. Nobody is looking to hire. I had a brief moment of hope when the manager at Roots interviewed me, and said she wants me to work there, however her district manager needs to interview me as well; she called me yesterday and told me that the guy simply is "too busy" nowadays to give me a fifteen minute interview just inside the store that he manages. Hm.





So I woke up this morning with a sharp pains all over my body, my head was spinning, my stomach was turning, and my glands were swollen. However as I looked up at my ceiling with morning light creeping in, I had a newfound consideration, something I wish I had done earlier. I was almost excited with my plan, but any sort of determined vigour at such an early hour and such a state of health as mine was diminished as I was met with unpleasantness and unfounded, disdained comments and attitude from my parents, something I won't bother explaining. I spent more of the morning walking about the house and feeling miserable and very ill.

It's time to pay the piper. I cannot be stagnant anymore, I can't put up with not having an occupation and still being able to reap spoils in life. I can't make the financial promises I have (Anime North, significantly) without something to actually supply me in that regard. I've decided to call Fruition back and request employment there again. At least until late May, for then i'll be preparing to ship out to Canadian Forces Base Meaford. I need to pay off this debt, I need to save up for school, and I need to have something to do throughout the day. I'm going to honour my father's advice, which was to capitalize on an oppurtunity where I can work for $14.00 hourly with no skilled trade or experience whatsoever. Additionally, i'll be able to govern my own transportation with Mark's blue '88 Oldsmobile that he and his family have kindly offered to me for a decent price.

It's hard, thankless, back-breaking, lonely work...but it pays the bills, and it good time too. I... look forward to being able to say I work hard, I work long hours, I work to make money. I look forward to...really earning the weekend, and the things I buy for myself. I just hope they stick by their word they gave me in October, telling me I could come back if I wanted to.

More updates to come later. Stay healthy, friends.

current mood: discontent

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Tuesday, March 6th, 2007
9:02 pm - Isolation
Notes:

1. I've been meaning to say this for a while, but i've never come around to it. To all my sparring partners; when we train, and we make contact (especially of the facial variety) or any other strike or technique, i'm fine. There is no need to ask me if i'm alright. That detracts from any sort of sincerity I wish to have while working on techniques and during a match.

2. Styled hair like Nick Carter today. Everyone should style their hair thusly, at least once in thier lifetime, to pay homage and respect to the 1990s.

3. 25 more days left in Lent. Bag of Jelly Belly jellybeans awaits in my drawer here, to my right.

3. This video is the one of the only things I have left in my life. It fills my heart, if only temporarily, with meaning.



current mood: awesome

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Friday, February 23rd, 2007
2:00 am - Thoughts
I spent last night sleeping on my floor. I set my alarm for seven in the morning, and spent a drowsy forty minutes from 6:20, tossing uncomfortably while the overcast morning light crept in. I've been so busy lately with finding more employment to make the payments to that dreaded film school but with such delayed results...my father has not been happy with the way things have been going, so I simply decided to sleep on the ground. I didn't like the image of me sleeping comfortably in my bed, to wake up sometime in the late morning. But things are better, and dad is in higher spirits. There is an atmoshpere that both my father and I understand about each other without exchanging a word or a glance, and it's indicative of the mood we're in.

In closing, a day without work is a day without food.


Busy schedules have delayed my headshots being graciously offered to me by Mark from being taken. We don't really have a studio, so an improvised set-up of a place to shoot is in order. Mark, I thank you again for your help. Kaja, if you're not busy with work this weekend at some time, perhaps we should all have a photoshoot session. I don't mean this in any egotistical fashion, but i'd like to see both photographers at work doing thier thing.

Keeping that in mind, I thought about this today spontaneously. Despite my popularity and overall John Derringer-esqe aura that I enjoy having in our group, I understand that I am also spoken about in a negative context when i'm elsewhere. No, I didn't hear this from anyone, and no, this isn't based off anything specific necessarily. It's simply a given. Everyone has flaws, and it's natural for them to be pointed out while the individual in question is not around. So whatever it is, be it my indecisiveness, what some people think to be mirror-mirror-on-the-wall narcissism (not really, i'm just really self-conscious, especially when it comes to my hair), or whatever else; I want you all to know Kenney McCoy is self aware of himself in that respect. I'm not perfect.

...Or hey, if there's nothin' bad to say about me at all, then...then cool.


On another note, it seems like someone has hacked into my LiveJournal Profile and put "cheating" and "lying" as some of my Interests. It was recently, too. Could it be the girl I stopped seeing a year and a half ago and who has been in a relationship for that same amount of time, and who is in university somewhere else in the country yet still finds time and interest to hack into her ex-boyfriend's internet journal and childishly sabotage the interest section? Fail.

Kinda like George Bush Sr. putting up the "Two bad neighbors" sign on his house.


Wholefoods, H&M, Encore Cinemas, AppleOne...all ample oppurtunities. Not to mention the agencies that are waiting on my headshots and resume. As i've mentioned before, i've always felt my teenage years are like massive gates opening, and this feels like the gears starting to move even more. I think this year is gonna get interesting.

Additionally, in the education regard, I spoke to Sheridan counselors today about opportunities in media programs. Advanced TV and Film is cancelled for this year, unfortunately...which would be the only step up from TFS. It requires a diploma, or competence in the field. Good news is, I will be able to apply legitimately because I have experience that I took from the school, which is what I had said a better case scenario would look like.

More updates to come over the weekend, as more phone calls, interviews, and appointments are made and met. Stay frosty, brothers and sisters.

current mood: tired

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Thursday, February 22nd, 2007
8:36 am
In the future people will think we had it tough. The same way we think about generations past. Fifty years ago you'd get the belt for backtalk to a parent. Now we hear about kids that get away with slapping thier parents. We're not as harmonious as a society yet where one understands the other in entirety. That time may never come. While human nature will stay the same, human behavior will evolve.

current mood: miserable.

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Thursday, February 8th, 2007
12:58 am - Notes. Please read for a glimpse of my life recently in a buffet serving size/nutshell.
- The next time you feel concerned that maybe you don't belong in college or university, that you lack somehow the knowledge, real world understanding and every-day logic that typically compliments a standard, 75-80% grade average student, know that there are exchanges that take place in these academies of learning and intellect that go something like this.

Mr. Sub lineup at Sheridan

Girl One: So what news...channel, thing did she get the research from?
Girl Three: I think it was from CNN.
Girl Two: It has to be a Canadian news network...I think..?
Girl One: CNN is Canadian, I always see it on TV here. Is it..?
Girl Three: I think it is...is it American or something? Isn't it Canadian News Network?

-silence-

Kenney: .....cable news network.
Girls: lol ^_^;

Mmm. Yeah.


- Progress on the skit is coming along, we've got ideas floating around and we have a solid organizational and administrative base; however many aspects of the performance are under speculation. Cosplay work is gonna start as soon as I inject my bank account again, hopefully in the next couple of weeks, (uncashed cheques amounting to several hundred dollars are also standing by in my desk for use cometh con-time).

- After visiting Sheridan on Tuesday, I am in love with it. So much so I have drawn, with bitter regard, mathematical equations as to how it would be a far worthier investment than my current studentship at Toronto Film School.

Sheridan Trafalgar Campus
- Mark, Adam, Ian (Davis Campus but same school)....enough said. Plus tons of other people I know.
- The Cage, a kickass bar, lounge, and leisure area complete with pool tables and arcade games that looks like somewhere you'd hold a birthday party. Did I mention the bar?
- In Oakville, the town I love. In Northern Oakville, even better, with easy access to everyone I know.
- In Oakville, where I will probably spend a grand total of $20 a month on transit to and from school.
- In Oakville, so I don't have to wake up at 5:30am just to make it to an 8am class.
- Beautiful architecture and property, actually an entire campus to walk around in.
- Courses range in the low thousands of dollars. Transferrable programs available.
- The school is world reknowned.

Toronto Film School
- Nobody. Nobody except Peter and some buddies from his Sheridan Performing Arts Prep course I see ocassionally, and go to class with. The people here on occasion talk to me, but something tells me they do it just to be nice or to make conversation. Most others desire to knife me in the back and steal my wallet/clothes/other.
- An extension of the hallway, approximately the size of my basement, with some rickety chairs, a couple vending machines, scratched and cracked tables, some payphones, and an elevator with graffitti reading...wait for it, 'Student Lounge'. No bar, no pool tables, no arcade machines, no colour, no hope. I'd have more fun and socialize with more vigour at the fucking library.
- The library; full of gay books that seem to be seldomly stocked and updated.
- In Toronto, the town that I love, but grow tired of visiting for the same purpose. Close to 0 people I know, save Sarah and MJ. And they live at Dundas and Sherbourne otherwise known as Flakjacketville, or Junkietown. Albiet easy to get shopping done after class.
- In Toronto, where I currently spend $180 monthly on transit.
- In Toronto, where I have to wake up at 5:30 every morning just to make the 6:30 bus to make it to the 7:15 GOTrain which arrives minutes before my 8am class on the 8th Floor of the CBC building.
- I could beat this school in a fistfight. It's approximately the size of the top floor of Oakville Place, and not even as wide. And i'm not even counting the Food Court. There are a couple studios, some Mac labs, and some really shitty classrooms with cracked desks and faded whiteboards. If you stood sideways in the hallway with a backpack on, you'd be in the way.
- Film Production is $25,000. I have paid $1,700. FOR 17 DAYS OF CLASS.
- Toronto Film School/IADT is advertised in the lower left hand corner of the classifieds in 24 Newspaper, the free paper you find at the bus stop, inbetween the "Divorce for $300" and "Mr. Ogwambi, African Spiritualist/Tarot Card Reader" advertisments.

I am almost convinced that if I was to finish and pay for the term i'm in now, which ends in March, and I arrange a transfer so I can continue a Film course in Sheridan...I will be far happier.

The only thing preventing me from this is the lingering feeling that i'll regret it later. Like a girl who asks you out in high school but you say no, and then in five years she's suddenly really hot and like, rich. Whatever, that never happened to me, but the point is is that TFS may become really popular, really industry-recognized, and an overall potential worthwhile investment. Combined with the fact that by December it will be up to me to create a movie from the ground up, which is my assignment from God and my downright passion to boot (once organized), I remain contemplative and yeah, indecisive over this.

And to end,

- I am convinced i'm no longer attractive to anyone but gay men ranging from 15 to 30 years of age.

More to come, stay frosty team.

current mood: apathetic

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Friday, January 12th, 2007
10:38 pm - A Post Appeared, it used Tag, it's super effective.
Tagged by Sam, then Chuck, equalling ten (10) facts. Once tagged by this entry, the assignment is to write a journal entry with six random facts about yourself. Then, pick six of your friends and tag them; no tag backs. This explanation should be included.

1. I'm currently in a job where I make $17 per every successful or unsuccessful appointment (averages 30-40 minutes each) I go to, and for which i'll be paid an incentive commision wage of a plus five percentage on average (15%, 20%, 25%..) every cumulative milestone I reach ($1000 in sales, $2000 in sales, $35,000 in sales...etc) for products that range from $250 to $1000 per unit; meaning at the $1000 point I will make %15, and for $35,000 in sales I make 50%, meaning for a 40 minute appointment where I successfully sell a $1000 product, I make $500. A somewhat unorthodox occupation, but one that is very financially rewarding over the short (and long) term.

2. I don't respond to any tags with something mystical or indirect like "I still don't know who I am" or "My journey has just begun". I don't clown around the point, mortals.

3. I'm a fan of dystopian or post apocalyptic films and games such as War of the Worlds, Halo, Rifts, Children of Men, Terminator (it's backstory), even Zombiepocalypse like Land of the Dead. I find the downfall of our structured and organized society depressing, yet intriguing at the same time, not to mention I always love to see humans banding together and organizing as a paramilitary force, mobilizing and infastructuring, under some sort of extraterrestrial or zombie or other oppression.

4. I'm gonna be done school on December 27th, meaning that I went to post-secondary a year after the rest of my grade (grad'd in June '05, started TFS in October '06), and am still going to graduate two years before them.

5. Regardless of the common weaknesses found in the Human species, i'll always select them as my gaming race of choice; Terrans, Rangers, Space Marines, whatever. We've got the most badass gear and weaponry.

6. I'm emotionally connected to many trivial things in games and TV shows; when random CTU agents or police officers are killed in 24, I get upset and critically analytical too! "He/She could have totally shot that terrorist first! Why do they always have to get killed, they're CTU!" Also, in Metal Gear Solid 3, I accidentally killed a rabbit with a grenade so I reset the game and started where I had saved last. I'M SORRY, VIDEO GAME OR NOT I JUST LOVE ANIMAUX.

7. I don't agree with the Conservative policy on child care.

8. It's the Year of the Dollar. In order to keep my goals in sight I drastically need to save so I can spend later. Also to pay for school...yeah, that.

9. I want someone to write me Shao Khan and Jareth the Goblin King slash, where Khan lures Jareth into a room with promises of The Magic Dance, then he seduces him and knocks him into lava with his War Hammer.

10. My mature resolution is to make this year more organized financially, and in other personal aspects.

I hereby tag Heather, Jourdan, Ruth, Goldar, Scott "Billy" Douglas, and the newest addition to Team Dropkick, Kimberlee..!





PS. I'm extremely busy everyone, so i'll be available for socializing accordingly. This should be sorted out by next week, so don't worry, i'll be back.

PPS. Boxed Rice/Gaijin meeting tomorrow; apparently to be very productive.

current mood: busy

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Tuesday, January 2nd, 2007
5:40 pm - 2007 & Food for Thought (or thought for food)
To everyone, I hope we all have a prosperous and healthy new year. I hope that by the end of this one we'll be unregretting and content with the choices we will be making over the next twelve months. Let's not get sloppy.

I do however, regret that the first meal I’ve had of the new year was at a fast food restaurant at approximately ten thirty in the morning yesterday. It was a hard thing to do. I hope nobody blasts me for being so conscious about my diet given my already decent physical health, but it's something that is both sentimental and wary of me. I don't want to inject any more processed, freeze dried, mass produced, salty, fattening, ready-in-one-minute horseshit into my body, nor do/did I want my first meal of the year to be that. I am not one to cave in to delicately perfected images and aromas that advertise bastardized animal flesh and salted, greasy potato shreds (fries). All I can say is that instead of fries I got a nice baked potato. It was alright.

Hopefully this year I’ll give myself only what I need. I want to discipline myself to dismiss any sort of food that will be a detriment to my health. We've been given such potential, such efficient and intricate machines- we should be perfecting the way we move, the way we run and jump and strike and kick and maneuver! It's the first thing we are when we're born, our bodies, and for the first while before we begin to utilize our brainpower, it's all we're conscious of. With learning to walk aside, shouldn't that be the first thing we master? I'm nineteen years in and I still have a long journey ahead of me in that respect.

It almost disgusts me, if I may be cynical for a moment, how humanity has been..pacified, let's say. I find it almost condescending that shoved into our faces are such images and promises with such superfluous and unhealthy habits as I’ve mentioned. Everything around here seems so superficial. This pertains as well to my previous post on a slightly different subject. It disturbs me when I see people of any age, more significantly over thirty, working at fast food. The other day I saw one obviously concave or unhappy individual and an obviously unhappy or concave employee, in an exchange of some loose change for disgustingly processed "food". What a terrible sight.

It's like we're just dependant on the system for everything. "I'll let someone else decide what I need and want in life". We've become weak. I don't want to sound like I’m trying to be cold and anti-humanistic, that's the last thing i'd like to see myself as. Let's take the Catherine Genovese case, for instance. in March of 1964 she was stabbed to death and sexually assaulted with thirteen witnesses, none of whom did anything to stop it, and none of whom called the police. A woman was being brutally punished and murdered and everyone was too scared to do anything. Nobody wants to take the heat, and nobody wants to brave the cold any more. A lukewarm existence is just fine with everyone.

Sorry, I’m just becoming growingly bitter towards many things in society today.

I..would rather change gears. This is my first post for the new year and I’d like it to be progressive instead of impassioned.

Many things to do. Convention work needs to be initiated right away, and the BRP-EWG meeting is nigh. It's gonna be a big year for conventions. First I think I need to organize my own living space, my room is pretty messy. An organized workspace yields an organized mind. I need to continue with the Oakville Place job and making $12 hourly, yet keeping in touch with the agency to find a more consistent job that matches my Toronto Film School schedule. I need to get back in touch with the bank to discuss the loan, and keep up a budget in order to pay interest. I need to call Keith (my photographer) to take new headshots of yours truly, and Norbert (former agent), something I’ve been neglecting to do, to see if he can suggest any other agencies for me. Also, I should contact GojuRyu Toronto about enrolling. Plus I need to finish 24 Season 5 before Season 6 begins in a few days. There's a lot more to do but I won't discuss it here. It's all the same crap.

More stuff to make you think is on the way. Happy New Year everyone..!

current mood: over-contemplative

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Monday, December 25th, 2006
6:53 pm - War on Mars, Badwill towards Women-Merry Christmas-Thoughts
War on Mars, Badwill towards Women-Merry Christmas-Thoughts
Merry Christmas everyone, I hope everyone is enjoying themselves today in whichever way you choose with family and friends!

I have much to say, about many things. I'll include it all in this entry here, because if I’m to hold off any longer to post I’ll forget many of the things that have been floating in my mind recently.

I'll start off with my most recent thought, something I was thinking about in the car on the way back from my grandparent's place in Hamilton. I started to think about North American, wait, scratch that, Greater Toronto Area life. I seem to be under the same sky, walking the same ground, and breathing the same tainted air that hangs over us here in the Golden Horseshoe. I started to think of everywhere else in the world that exists. Different terrains, different landscapes, cultures, peoples, infrastructure...it's a savoury picture in my mind that, along with many other things, I can't suppress my feelings towards.

I think about how much effort goes into managing my existence here. Waking up in the morning to head to a job I don't necessarily like, sacrificing my time, mental stability and perfectly good muscular exertion in an attempt to scrounge whatever money I can get which, in consequence, will just be able to pay off my monthly interest to the bank so I can take the same train on the same days to the same place to learn about something I’m interested in. I feel like a whore.

Of course, one would respond by saying to me "Well Kenney, if you're totally interested in it, then making those payments and appointments and taking the train every day should be your favourite thing to do!" Not..exactly.

I feel like I’m missing something. Like I’m trying to pursue something I’m interested in yet there is an entire labyrinth of bureaucracies that are nullifying any excitement or will or drive or initiative. Don't immediately chalk it up just yet to simply buckling under pressure, because that's not what I’m doing. I'm simply thinking about what sort of things I want to do over the next five years, and if what I’m doing now or rather, not doing now, will affect their worth, or my ability to do/pursue them. I never want to be caught "not doing" something in my life. My heart must continuously race, I mustn’t have the desire to sleep in, ever.

This can be backtracked to my desire to be a perpetual traveller, a ronin if you will, a denizen of the Earth, the world.

Given positive certainty or spontaneous "foolishness", two polar opposites, and with either of the two- means to do so, I would abandon my life here in suburban North America for an indefinite period of time to travel somewhere else in the world and lose myself. I feel as if I’m kidding myself here, I have dreams and visions, or sure, "pipe dreams and fantasies", but I’ll die an unfulfilled man if I don't follow through with them. What am I, joking myself? Surrounded by corporations telling me how best to live, knowing and living and learning and breathing in the same Goddamn fifty mile radius? Where to from there? What comes after post-secondary, and after my bills are paid? While my mind and my body are relatively (and it kills me to say relatively) young, I need to take in as diverse and challenging an undertaking or undertakings I can find. And I’m not finding them here.

Get me out of here; send me to China in a village along the Yangtze where I can continue training in the martial arts, where I can work for the things I put on my table (or lack thereof, preferably), where I can learn something else about somewhere else, not from a textbook or a computer, but firsthand. Real 'world' experience, not how to score a deal on a car, or to conduct myself at a dinner party, or to manage finance - show me what you are, world. Teach me how to survive and become a part of you like I was, let's say, several hundred years ago. Or the way we 'can' be today, just not a bitch to consumerism and system-dependant life. I wanna bleed, be burnt, freeze, sweat, work, meditate, eat and drink exactly what my body needs and no more, sleep in a doorless hut with a rainstorm outside with only a blanket that doesn't cover my body completely and love every day I survive and breathe and pump blood through my veins. Whoever said that I can't do something like this? Unless I’m breaking the law, or betraying an obligation, nobody should. I'm my own person, I’ll dictate my logic. I don't want money wired to me, or to have my cell phone, my watch, or anything. Just to be my own human for a while. I'll be back. A knapsack and a Canadian flag patch will do fine.

Brazil..India...so much I want to seek out. So much I want to discover. I can make it on my own. Jesus stated in Matthew 19:24 "Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God". By using this hyperbole, He did not state it as an impossibility, but He did mean that it's a difficult thing. My heaven, my view of it, is when I’m absolutely content with what I am doing with my life. So I dream of waking up one day under another sky, perhaps with no material possessions and no property, living off my own liberality in a different land, where maybe I’ll figure out what it's like to really be the thing that I am and always will be; human.

Or perhaps a more manageable pursuit. The Canadian Forces commitment to Afghanistan expires in 2009 or longer, and an opportunity to travel and contribute to bettering the lives of many, sounds appealing. Another thing I will consider.


Sometimes I just wonder, friends. I've always been interested in many things for...ever since I was a kid, yet I fail to see anything here that I’d be able to commit the rest of my life, every waking day to. I need to find it, not have it shown to me on paper and then be asked to "sign here."


Y'know what, I’ll save the rest for later, however this does mean I have to get my hands on a notebook so the next time my head rests against the bus window looking at the sun and the clouds and the birds in the sky I’ll write down what's in my head.

Again, Merry Christmas everyone <3. Oh, and by now if you haven't realized the title of this entry is an antonymic version of the Christmas tiding "Peace on Earth, Goodwill towards Men". Just thought I’d point that out. Although war on Mars would be pretty cool. Like that movie Starship Troopers where th-

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Thursday, December 14th, 2006
4:30 pm - Fandom's Demise: Geek Gone Wrong


Everyone put in thier best, and obviously the crowd loved it. Again, everyone- even though it's...what, seven months later, I thank you all for your participation! However it is our intention that 2k7's will rock even harder- more co-ordination, new humour, and something we haven't paid enough attention with throughout the performances- workmanship. Kaja- your initiative to get our stuff done over the winter in time for May is a total relief and i'm really appreciative of your attitude.

Updates and emails on ewg.hidoshi.com to follow, Gaijins. And with Anime North ALREADY at a little under six months away, let's hop to it..!

current mood: nostalgic

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Monday, December 11th, 2006
3:00 am
As of late i've had numerous trains of thoughts, whisps of imaginative intellect, sets of mind, political and creative, left brained and right. Many of you have heard me in person go on countless tangents expressing what's on my mind. So as of either New Years Day or whenever I feel like it until then, i'm going to begin posting again. In my previous entries, dating as far back as three years ago, I posted the same repetitive, unremitting accounts of what happened in my day, and how much working at Tim Hortons pissed me off. Despite the fact I enjoyed the things I posted about (work being on the contrary) and wanted people to stay updated about my life, my words had no backbone. Nobody gave any thought to my posts. The comments I would receive would be "glad you had fun" and of course, albeit the fact I greatly appreciate any sort of support when i'm feeling down, "feel better soon, *hugz*". And as of lately, i've had a perpetual desire to put my intellect and my opinion on paper.

I would rather the 'superficial' to 'intelligent' journal entry ratio turn around 95 - 5 to 5 - 95. Not to say of course I won't post time to time about how cool I am, or how Mortal Kombat will run the free world.

So reno_snake is back. I will now be the witty, debating, filmmaking, army reservist in testing nineteen year old columnist who voted for Harper. I hope the things that deterred me in the first place from this website are gone by now, including trivial dramatics and my own lack of intellectually stimulating loggings. Actually, i'm pretty sure the former is extinct, i've been trolling for the past several months. lol.

See ya, Space Cowboys/Cowgirls.

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